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I feel like my life is moving in a different direction. In a good way. I was heading down a long road of never changing (or maybe just a really, really slow change).
But that was before camp.
I went to camp thinking that I'd be getting- I don't know- encouragement in my walk with God. Never did I once think that God would so clearly mention and suggest and continue to remind me of my step father and the grudge I held against him. No, I didn't think, or even want my mind to wander in that direction.
But the truth of the matter is that I've been holding myself back for a very long time.
"But if you do not forgive, neither will your father in heaven forgive your trespasses." Mark 11:26
The way I viewed my step father began to shape and form the way I lived my life. Let's face it. How I felt towards him didn't effect who he was; it only effected me. Not only was I hurting myself in the darkness I had created, but I was unable to move forward.
The very real and beautiful truth of this story is that ; even though, when I looked at my step father all I saw was how messed up he was,
God loves him just as much as he loves me. Just as much.
When I realized that, that's when my heart began changing.
Looking at how difficult it is to forgive someone of a wrong they've done to me, causes me to be able to grasp God's great love that much more.
-He forgives the world, if they but beleive.
-He loves the world, even when they don't see him.
-He has grace and mercy, not only on those who trust and love him, but on the entire world and the ones that reject him.
Who am I to not forgive those around me?
So yes, I was holding myself back by hating the one God loves. It is only because of God's mercy that I was given opportunities to do things such as lead worship. I still loved God, don't get me wrong, but I was unnable to accelerate in the fashion that I recently have.
I still have hinderances, It's not like that was my only one, but I've been able to overcome one major obstacle that I was numb to even noticing was there! Now I'm able to move forward in life and take the next step.
"And let us run with percerverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfector of faith." Hebrews 12:1 & 2
Love, Bailey
