The hours drag as I sit with quiet arguments going on in my confused little mind. It's like having a mini angel and demon on your shoulder whispering lies and truth.
You are a sinner. That's all you'll ever be. Look at yourself and look at God. How could He love you?
Yes, indeed. How does God love me? It seems I'm always falling off the deep end, struggling to reach the top. But I forget one thing: the struggle is over. God has reached down and pulled me out of those deep waters where now I can breathe freely.
Yes I sin, and (though I wish it weren't the case) I will keep sinning until the day God calls me home. I will keep stepping off the edge into rough, un-tame waters, and lose my footing but God is always there to pull me right back out.
I have come to grasp the fact that I will never understand the love of the Lord of heavens armies. But He does in fact love us no matter our shortcomings.
"'I have always loved you,' says the Lord," (Malachi 1:2).
It doesn't say I once loved you long ago. It's not I will love you someday once you stop sinning.
He says I have always loved you. I loved you then, I love you now, and I will love you forever.
You don't need to be a better person to earn God's love. You don't need to clean your life up before you go to God. You don't need to pretend to be someone you're not. Come as you are. That doesn't mean you should use His unconditional love as an excuse to sin. It doesn't mean God is okay with your sin. He hates sin.
But you and I can do nothing to earn His love and we can do nothing to deter His love.
This means that all those lies you hear about you not being good enough- you get to throw 'em out the five-story-building window! He is enough. His love is enough, and it covers you.
So take a deep breath and remember you're not drowning. God has reached down Himself to pull you out and give you breath.
You are loved.
"You are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you," (Isaiah 43:4).
