In The Midst of Tragic

Why is it that it usually takes some tragic event taking place to draw us closer to God?

I've noticed that when life is ay-okay, I'm doing my own thing- praying, but not so intimately and then soon enough, less and less.

And then BAM. The next minute we hear some bad news and we're on our knees crawling back to the safety of His embrace.

The Lord says in 2 Corinthians 12, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

It's when we're at rock bottom that we realize He's all we've got. That He's the only one capable of pulling us out. It's in the midst of the tragic that His power is made perfect, and where all facades are set aside in complete surrender to the King.

What I've come to learn through God's word and my own experiences is that the Lord is not one to look over the edge, see how deep of a pit we've fallen into, and then throw a rope so we can climb out on our own. He is going to hear our cry for help, jump in there with us and pull us out Himself.

Luke 5:12-13 says this:

While Jesus was in one of the towns, a man came along who was covered with leprosy. When he saw Jesus, he fell with his face to the ground and begged Him, "Lord if you are willing, You can make me clean."
Jesus reached out His hand and touched the man. "I am willing," He said, "Be clean!"

 He didn't see the man and run away so that He wouldn't get the disease, and call for the man to be healed from far away, but He reached down and touched the man who had probably not known human contact or love since he got the disease. What great love he must have known in that moment.

And that's what God does for you and for me. In our pain, in our hurt, He is the one who pulls us through.

"The Lord will fight for you; you need  only to be still," (Exodus 14:14)

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Does God notice?

Does God notice?

I mean, He's a pretty busy guy.

He's got the balance of the universe to take into consideration. And He is pretty busy putting the clouds in the sky and telling it to rain, even in places where no one lives. He is telling the wind to go in the direction He desires it to go, and He's busy laying out the path of lightning. He's designing the colors of the setting sun and mapping the current of the waves. I mean, come on. Does He notice?

We're talking about the guy who laid the earth's foundation and marked off it's dimensions. That measuring line that stretches across the earth did not come about on it's own. God is busy telling the waves where to halt and giving the rooster it's understanding when to crow.

He is God Almighty, so does He notice the pain that you feel? Does He notice how lonely you are or even the desires of your heart?

Let me assure you dear friend- God notices.

Why do you complain, O Jacob,
and you, Israel, why do you say,
"My plight is hidden from the Lord,
and my cause has passed out of God's notice"?
Do you not know, Have you not heard?
The Lord, the everlasting God, creator of the wide world,
     grows neither weary nor faint;
     no man can fathom his understanding.
He gives vigour to the weary,
new strength to the exhausted.
Young men may grow weary and faint,
even in their prime they may stumble and fall;
but those who look to the Lord will win new strength,
they will grow wings like eagles;
they will run and not be weary,
they will march on and never grow faint. 

(Isaiah 40:27-31 NEB)

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A Molder and His Clay

When you cannot see Him, He is still at work.

There are many different stages in life. Sometimes God is shaping and molding your heart like clay. And other times, such as the one I'm in now, the clay of our hearts begins to harden, so He adds a little heat, or he begins to hammer that chisel in order to chip away unwanted pieces in our life.

Though it may be painful, He knows what is best for His sons and daughters. And though we may not understand what He is doing, we can trust Him because He has never once failed before.

"... We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us," (Romans 5:3-5).

"When He is at work in the north, I do not see him; when He turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of Him. But He knows the way that I take; when He has tested me, I will come forth as gold," (Job 23:9-10).

I'm actually pretty sure that if you add heat to clay it will harden it more? Ah, you get the point!

Losing sight but regaining perspective

I've lost sight of Him.

I never lost sight of him, the creator of the universe. But I lost sight of Him. Does that make sense?

I lost sight of His heart.

I lost sight of the God who loves me, with a love so deep that no water can quench. I lost sight of the God who cares for me. I lost sight of the God who, though I fail Him day in and day out, wants to walk with me through every wretched moment of my day. I lost sight of the God who wants to use me. Me? Yes, if only I will obey. I lost sight of the God whose plans for me have always been to prosper and not to harm me.

Whose love is so deep that it did not just stop when He realized my sin was too great. But that He made a way.

Who came down from His place in heaven and took on flesh. Who lived among His creation and saw the destruction of mankind.

Yet chose to pick up that cross, beaten and bruised, and walk to His death, only to raise to life again, so that I may live too.

I lost sight of Him.

And as if the cross weren't enough, He chooses to bring blessing upon blessing into my life, and I am humbled beyond belief!

What a wretched, yet forgiven and loved, person I am.

How could I have ever lost sight of Him?

We Will Come Forth as Gold

Sometimes life is too difficult to bear.

Sometimes life throws a fast one at you and you hit the ground hard. Or at least it feels like it.

I thought I was doing God's will. I thought God revealed something He had planned for me and then snatched it away, leaving me bruised and crushed. I had a hard time with it. My faith and hope were crashing down hard and I held on to the only remaining drops I could find.

I found it in me to trust Him in the midst of the pain. And to be completely honest I was hurt that He would do this to me. I feared that I would never trust Him again.

Then four days later I got fired from my job.

Oh, the rejection of being told, "you have good ethics, it just isn't working out. We're going to have to let you go."

That's it.

No warnings. No time to fix my wrongs. No answers as to what I even did wrong. Just a "sorry" and a "we'll mail you your check."

I walked out of the building confused and crushed as I'd ever been.

I turned to God, different from the last time. This time I was mad, and so hurt that He would first take my dreams and desires and then snatch away my security.

"Why would you bless me and then take it away without warning," I cried out to God. "Haven't I given you everything?"

No.

Plain and simple. I hadn't. My heart was set on a guy. Not on God. I felt security in knowing God would give me the desires of my heart. That if it was His will for us to be together, we would be together. And it was His will. I was just so sure.

I had forgotten to seek Him. To run to Him. To pray to Him. To give Him all of me- the good, the bad and the ugly.

I acted like He was obviously going to bless me. I mean, come on.

In reality, He is by no means obligated to bless me. but He chooses to. And sometimes He chooses to take away as well. And you know what? That's okay too.

"He replied, 'You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept the good from God, and not trouble?'" (Job 2:10)

I want to encourage you in whatever circumstance or struggle it is that you're facing in the present time. Though it may feel as if God has abandoned you, purposely left you in your pain. I want you to know that it's simply not true.

I knew God had a plan for my life, and that all this pain and struggle must have been part of His plan, but that just hurt me more. Because that meant He was hurting me on purpose, right? But He didn't put me in this situation and leave me alone. Instead, He listened to every cry of anger and hurt. Every confused and crushed thought I threw at Him.

And He met me there. He reminded me that He was in control. and when I cried out to him saying,

"You don't deserve my anger and questioning, but I know you're listening. So what do you want me to do?"

Trust me. That's what I believe He told me in that moment of struggle.

So trust Him. He knows what He's doing. Though, it may not take away from your pain, it is such a blessing knowing that God wants to use this in our lives for a very big purpose. To grow us and nurture us. It is the biggest blessing to know that He finds you precious enough to invest Himself in you and your life. It is an honor to go through these valleys because it is used to prepare us for more. to sharpen and mold us into his likeness.

He has a plan. It's best not to forget that.

"They don't know that this is the making of God's people, that they are wheat being threshed, gold being refined, (Micah 4:12).

"And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14)

"When he is at work in the north, I do not see him; when he turns to the south I catch no glimpse of him. But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold," (Job 23:9-10).

"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails," (Proverbs 19:21).

"'For I know the plans I have for you,'declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future," (Jeremiah 29:11).

Original Photo By Jenna Peterson

Jesus Feeds The Five Thousand

"When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus  landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.

"As evening approached, the disciples came to him and said, 'this is a remote place, and it's already getting late. Send the crowds away, so they can go to the villages and buy themselves some food.'

"Jesus replied, 'They do not need to go away. You give them something to eat.'

"'We have here only five loaves of bread and two fish,' they answered.

"'Bring them here to me,' he said. And he directed the people to sit down on the grass. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. Then he gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over. The number of those who ate was about five thousand men, besides women and children."

(Matthew 14:13-21).We've all heard the story. Plenty of times, most likely. But something stood out to me about the story, last time I heard it used in a message, like it never has before.

I always looked at the this passage as just on of the many miracles Jesus did, but there was something, one little phrase that completely changed how I looked at it, as well as my heart.

Have you ever been told that Jesus wants all of you? Because it's true. He wants everything. If you're like me and the disciples you might have thought you don't have much to offer to the table. Maybe you've thought:

I've sinned too many times, I can't sing, I don't have money, I don't have passion, everything I've felt I loved has been stripped away, I'm broken, I'm dirty, or I have too much baggage, why would Jesus want this mess?

But Jesus isn't asking for some kind of extravagant banquet. He is looking into your questioning eyes saying,

"Just give me what you do have."

We do that and there's no telling how much he can do. He says, "give me what you do have and I will do something great." He takes our messed up little hearts and doesn't see the distortion from the world. He sees potential. He sees the value of it, as it is, and how much greater it can become.

He sees you and that's all he ever wanted.

He can make beautiful things out of the dust, turn water into wine, and take five loaves of bread and two fish and feed over five thousand people and still have some left over. This guy is God and if he can do all that, and so much more, I trust that when you and I give him all that we have, He will do something great with it.

From Dust Comes Beauty

"Too often we look at life as a drudgery to be endured rather than a dance to be enjoyed. It seems as if it's easier for us to enter into the eulogies at a wake than the excitement at a wedding, to suffer the aches and pains of life than to celebrate the fun and games," Charles R. Swindoll.

I've spent too long being too serious and too sad. I know that I'm joyful, but it seems lately I've been more bummed and upset than happy.

I've been remembering my past with a sigh. I've been broken. I've spent nights crying myself to sleep. There are things I've been through that have completely changed and impacted my life.

And God brought good out of every single thing.  

Let me explain. I don't think God turned those negative things in to good things. My step mom has cancer, and that will never be good. But He has brought good FROM it. I have fibromyalgia, and pain will never be good. But God has brought good FROM it. Does that make sense?

God makes beautiful things out of the dust, but it never said he made the dust beautiful. It's time I stop looking at the dust and start seeing the beauty God has brought from it. What a more joyful life I'll be living if that were the case.

Look at Christmas. I've only been seeing Jesus' birth as the beginning of his suffering on the cross. But I forgot the most important thing! He is risen! Yes, he was born, and that will eventually lead to the death of him up on the cross, but FROM it he brought salvation. He defeated death and the enemy, and now we get to be with him for eternity! That is BEAUTIFUL!

This is not to say that God can't change your troubles into something good. He is completely capable. There are times he has healed the sick and turned what you thought to be the end, into a beautiful beginning. But I also believe that he uses the hard times in our life. That, instead of changing our circumstances, he changes our hearts.

I pray you will look at your past and not see the darkness, but the light and the beauty that God has brought from it.

Praise God for all the negative things that have ever happened because he is good and faithful to use it for his glory. Praise God!

"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Genesis 50:20

Oh Christmas

Oh Christmas. It's my favorite time of year. 

But this year is different for me. 

Rather than being filled with joy, I'm filled with this un-taming sense of sadness. It's just the opposite of how it should be, but when I see Christmas, I see, not just Jesus being born, but what he was born for.

I see the cross.

And yes, this should bring me joy. The fact that Jesus has saved me does bring me joy, but the fact that his suffering up on that cross, was because of me- well that just makes me sad, to say the least. 

I've heard it said that if I were the only one on this earth, he still would have died for me. I always assumed he would only do it if I wanted him to, but I think it's more than that. I think even if I didn't want him to die for me, he would. 

Look at the disciples, when Jesus mentioned his death, they went mad. But he did it anyway.

Jesus even asked God to forgive those who killed him. 

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: 

A time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance" Ecclesiastes 3:1 and 4.

I don't know why, but I mourn for the reason Jesus came. He came to die.

Eventually I will see it more clearly, and I will rejoice. But now is my time to mourn.

P.S. Sorry about my sad post. 

Jesus, My Prayer Partner- My Mom's Salvation

"For God says, 'In the time of my favor I heard you, and in the day of salvation I helped you.' I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation." 2 Corinthians 6:2

Last week I experienced one of the best days of my life. No matter how amazing that moment will be when I walk down the isle, arm in arm with my God fearing father and say "I do," no matter how amazing the moment will be when I have my first baby,

There is nothing like the moment I watched my very mother surrender her heart to the Lord Jesus Christ. That moment meant that I would get to spend eternity with her in heaven, that I would have someone in my home on my moms side to talk about God with. It meant she would get to experience the love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, furiousness (and everything in between) of God.

It meant that she would get to know God.

I've been praying for her salvation for years and God has shown me his faithfulness. There were countless days that my mom came to church with me. While I thought it meant nothing to her, God was doing something in her heart.

God did something amazing that night. Instead of sitting in the back (like I normally do), we were led to the very first row by a friend of mine. I listened to the message, but I also prayed. Not knowing if that would be the night, but hoping- always hoping.

And on the night of September 16th, 2012, I felt all my built up tension and fear leave my body in one sigh as I watched my precious mother step forward.

Part of me was afraid she was upset that I didn't go with her for support, but the other part of me- the stronger part- knew she had to do this alone, the way Jesus Christ walked to his crucifixion alone.

God is faithful and just to answer our prayers. They say there are three answers that God will give you: yes, no, and wait. But I think there is one more:

Maybe.

Because the thing is, not only can I not make my mom get saved, but neither can God. Well, He can, but he won't. That's the beauty of it. My mom had to decide if she wanted the gift of His free love and sacrifice. A real love wouldn't force you to love back, because that wouldn't be love at all.

So God might answer maybe. Maybe they will run to me, maybe they will run away. I will reveal myself in ways that they can decide and choose, but I will not force them to come to me.

 You can ask God to show himself to the people - to soften their hearts (and I think he will) but the final decision lies in the hands of those individual lives. Pray that the enemy would be reduced and they would hear God and listen to His call. Pray that there would be no distractions. Pray that you are able to be a better example for the sake of God and the sake of their salvation. And remember too that you're not the only one who's praying for them, but the savior of this world, Jesus Christ is praying for them also.

And I must say, He's a good prayer partner.

Never give up on your loved ones, because Jesus never gave up on you.

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

The Prodigal's Brother

I've wanted to give this message for a long time now, but I felt that the only way I could possibly give a message of hope for the young women waiting for love, was if I had my own prince charming.

I'm starting to believe though, that the reason God may want me to give this message is because I don't.

So often we hear the message that if you've walked away from God, given yourself to a boy- or multiple boys- and you feel stripped and barren , that God can redeem you and is waiting with open arms. It's the classic story of the prodigal son, and it's such an important message.

But we forget sometimes that the father had two sons.

I write this for the girl that has stayed faithful. The one waiting for a miracle. The one who may feel forgotten. There is someone who just might need to hear this.

"But he answered his father, 'look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!" Luke 15: 29-30.

Sounds like a gnarly case of the green monster, don't ya think?

Have you ever felt jealous of someone because they seem more blessed than you, even when they don't seem to deserve it? I know I have.

Maybe you feel like God has completely forgotten every prayer you've said and has decided to no longer listen to you. I've been there (but know that it is complete lie straight from the pit of hell).

Maybe you feel like you've been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting for the right person but God still seems to get around to them first?

That's definately how I feel sometimes most of the time. Lately, my longing for a significant other has been a lot stronger than it ever has been before. It could be from lack of patience, or maybe the fact that I can legally marry in less than six months (which freaks me out sometimes). Either way, my desires are still there none-the-less, ever present like a wildfire in a sundried cotton feild.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know what it feels like. I love the idea of being in love and it kills me waiting for it. Sometimes I struggle with the idea that God may not even want me to get married someday. It's a trust issue.

God wants to give us the desires of our hearts and He hears our prayers. It's when I start worrying about him forgetting me that I really need to just hand over the pen and let him write my story- no matter the outcome. I think we need to come to a point where we will be okay if God doesn't want us to get married.

Is God enough? Do we really need the fattened calf?

For those of you waiting on God's timing, just like the older son, We've been working hard. We've been staying single so that when our turn comes around, it will be worth every lonely Friday night we ever spent in frustration. The older son was in the feild working when he heard the party. He must have been tired and hungry, his patience wearing thin. If that's you right now, all I can say is:

You go girl! You've made it this far! Keep it up.

I haven't met my prince charming, so I can't tell you it gets easier.

But it's becasue of that very reaon that I can tell you you're not alone. We can wait petiently together with God's everlasting love, knowing

He has not forgotten His children.

"'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.'" Luke 15: 31-32

Streams In The Wasteland

There is hope in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Sometimes, looking at this dark world and seeing the enemy at work, it is hard to believe God is doing something good.

We live in a world where "people are springs without water and mists driven by a storm. Blackest darkness is reserved for them," 2 Peter 2:17. "They promise [us] freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity," 2 Peter 2:19.

It's all so very misleading. There are people at school that lead you to believe the only way to happiness is to go to parties for "fun," or to be popular (solution: bake cupcakes for everyone, eat the same cupcakes that popular people eat- especially Matt).

But it all just leads to emptiness- to springs without water. It seems promising, but we walk away more thirsty than ever before.

But there is hope in Jesus. For he says,

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:19

What a promise! He tells us that he is filling us with streams and purpose! But we won't find it anywhere but in Him.

So whether your family feels broken or you feel almost meaningless, God is making a way. He is filling you with streams. Sometimes we won't be able to see what he is doing, and we'll feel frustrated or abandoned, but if you believe that God remembers his children, then do not fret.

"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine." Isaiah 43:1

Always

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Remember to Write

There's something important that goes on in everyone's daily life. 

We are all the main characters in our own story. 

So, for years I've been trying and trying to figure mine out so that maybe I could prove that stories are not only in fairy tales and movies. 

And let's get this straight; I have a story. It's just a more sloppy version than what they film on a Hollywood set. I couldn't tell you if it's an action, a romance, or a drama because- well- my stories not over yet. not even close. It's pretty much just begun. 

And I'm excited! 

I'm excited because I'm not an author on the other side of a novel, fashioning it in the most perfect way. God's creating it. GOD!! The Creator of the universe decided that he not only wanted to make stars and ocean's and sunsets, but he wanted to strategically form and shape the story of little 'ole me. What a precious thought.

I want to remember what He's done in my life. That's why I want to Continue to write and urge myself not to stop. It's really not my pen that wrote the story; but God's. 

And I'm thinking he uses a really BIG pen. 

Love, Bailey